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We are always getting to live

Many years ago I read in a book, that I can’t remember the name of, a story that I still remember. It was not a story, actually, just a comment. The author, whose name I also have forgotten, wrote about some recent solar eclipse. They are rare, the solar eclipses, and  I have never seen one. But the one this man spoke of was a big deal. And what he had observed, with the help of others, was that as the eclipse occurred, more people were sitting inside their living rooms watching it on TV, than they ones who walked outside and saw it in real life.

I am not sure why this little incident stuck with me for so long, but it did. Because it kind of illustrates how so many of us live our lives. While life is happening in our backyard, we spend our hours sitting on the couch, watching life unfold on TV. (Or on the computer.)

“We are always getting to live,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson, “but never living.” 

Mindfulness seems to be the new buzzword. And I don’t think that is a bad thing. If only we could learn it, and not just talk about it. If only we could learn to be present in our own lives, rather than either living other people’s lives through the media that is always surrounding us, with reality shows in every category (did you know there is a show called the Bear Whisperer?). If only we could learn to be present in our lives, rather than always living as if what really counts is what is going to happen in the future.

As I am rushing through my days, trying to keep up with all the items on my calendar, I try to take conscious breaks where I stop, take a deep breath and ask myself if I am really living. It is easy to forget in a busy day, but I do remember—sometimes.

flowers 2

These wild flowers that Kristin picked for me yesterday are on my table as a reminder to enjoy the here and now.

Last spring I was too busy to stop and pick the wild Lilies of the Valley that are in our neighborhood. They are some of my favorite flowers. Every time I passed them, I would think: I ought to pick some. I ought to stop and smell them. I ought to stop and admire their tender white bells, a sign of perfection. But I never did. This year, I stopped and picked a bouquet twice. I was proud of myself, and the time I took to appreciate the beauty in Creation, and the small joys in our lives. The joys that make life worth living. If you think of it.

Flowers

These weeds grow in the un-landscaped part of our yard. Ever thought about how beautiful “weeds” can be in the right setting? In our lives this is the case too.

How many times don’t we miss out on valuable relationships, experiences, memories, and lessons that God is wanting to teach us just because we are too busy living somebody else’s lives, or too busy trying to get to our next appointment. Today is the day the Lord has made. Let us Pick Flowers on Dusty Roads!

 

When do I hear my neighbor sing?

Book Cover sizedI have been working on translating my book, Picking Flowers on Dusty Roads, into Norwegian. It is a long, and boring task.

Since I am in the mood of the book, I have decided to share a few paragraphs here. Perhaps you will like it and want to get the whole book. Nothing would please me more!

mother and children

“It’s no secret that we in the West are masters at spending our lives running for the wrong reasons. We’ve entangled ourselves in a net of expectations and commitments that’t harder for us to get out of than it is for a fly to get out of the spider’s web. We all know that we need to stop before the spider eats us alive—sucking all the juices out of us until we’re dead.”

“I was sitting in a Karen village watching life unfold. I was an outsider and was able to observe without really taking part. The challenges of survival were more complex and involved than I probably understood. Only a few kilometers away the Burma Army loomed, carrying with them the threat of death. Minutes earlier I had talked to a villager who had shared the burden of not having enough to eat and not knowing if they’d survive the year with so little rice. The children were poorly dressed, and many had runny noses and coughs. And yet I saw joy and heard laughter. I felt a sense of peace that maybe was divine.

I always heard singing and it came from everywhere. Not exactly Elf-like, but honest and unpretentious songs that I imagined were about love and bravery. Men who were working the fields or walking through the jungle, women who were doing the laundry by the river, or carrying their babies up the hills, and children who were just running about, being kids, sang. I have never heard as much singing as I have in the presence of the Karen. I wondered, When did I last hear my neighbor sing, or my colleagues as they came to work on Monday morning? We have a reason to belt it out. We live in a free country, we have pantries full of food, microwaves, and walk-in closets, but the song coming from us often lack tunes.

On this evening I heard the singing coming from simple huts on the hills while I stood outside watching the myriads of stars dancing on the dark sky. There were no other sounds than the sounds of the jungle and the little piggy-snores coming from three piglets that were huddling together in a ditch in front of one of the houses.”

If you want to read more, you will have to get the book. You can do that here. If you rather buy it on Amazon, it is available there as well. Here is the link.

How to get happiness

Happiness? Happiness.

Happiness? Happiness.

Surely, you have, like me, thought about how nice t would be to win the lottery. How about hitting jackpot and getting a few millions to spend. Just one million would actually be good enough for me. How many of us haven’t fantasized of what we could do with the money? Our eyes glaze over as we think out loud: Pay off the mortgage on the house. Or even getting a new house. At least a house extension. Get a cabin in the mountain, or how about a beach house in Spain? Get a new car, perhaps two. Go on an exclusive holiday somewhere exotic. Renew the whole wardrobe for the whole family. Put money in the kids’ education fund. And, just to be fair, and to appear like justice counts: Give a lump sum to charity.

With a few millions in my bank account my life’s worries would be over. I could lay back on my newly landscaped terrace and love life.

My daughter, who is 17, spoke words of wisdom the other day. We were driving home and she was in a contemplative mood. She has more money to spend than she has ever had now. She is working shifts at the local pizza baker. She has money to buy clothes and make up. And that is mostly what 17-year olds need. And of course, some lattes with friends.

I feel sad, she said. And I wondered why. I feel sad, because I don’t feel the same joy when I get stuff as I used to. I just have started taking things for granted. I used to be so excited when I got gifts, and so thankful for anything new. Now I just look at it and think: yeah, nice. And then I feel no joy. With 17-year old wisdom she said: I can now, with confidence, say that money doesn’t buy happiness. 

Oh, how I wish the rest of the world would see what she has already seen. Oh, how I wish that I could see it sometimes as I look at the outfits I want, but can’t afford, as I hear about vacations so dreamy and expensive and know that they are too far off for me. How I wish that I would be better at looking at life through my daughter’s eyes and ask myself: Am I sure that those things actually will make me happy? Perhaps for a moment they will, but will the joy last?

I am reading a book right now that I think will be very interesting. (It already is, at page three). It is called Flow and is written by a man whose name is so hard that I am sure he is the only one who can spell it right: Mihaly Csikszentmhalyi.

In the introduction he says: Happiness is not something that happens. It is not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but rather on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person.

Happiness defined by one of my daughters some years ago.

Happiness defined by one of my daughters some years ago.

In a few more words, he said what Elise, my daughter also said. Money, stuff, or good fortune is not what make us happy. Happiness is something we make ourselves, independent of our circumstances.

Worth thinking about today. Isn’t it?

Compassion among equals, you and the homeless

compassion-caring1There has been an intense debate going on in the media in Norway over the last few months. I have followed it with great interest. The richest nation in the world, the country with the highest standard of living anywhere, the cold, oil-rich territory way up in the north of the world is being invaded by….poor people. Beggars have heard of this place and they are coming here to look for a great fortune in begging on the streets. And the Norwegians don’t know what to do. We are not used to this. We are only used to seeing poor people on TV. They should not be on our streets.

So politicians have made it an issue to discuss and a way to win votes. Sadly, the ones who get the most votes these days are the ones who say: Send them back where they came from. Don’t allow them to cross our borders! Make begging illegal. Don’t allow them to play their stupid songs on our street corners, they don’t even know more than two songs. And the last thing: Prohibit sleeping outside!

romfolk

Photo by Terje Pedersen, ANB

The newspapers are full of people’s opinions on the question. Many try to convince us that these are not actually poor people, and the money we give them will most likely not end up with the beggar anyhow. It will more likely go to support nasty criminals. Others are surprisingly tolerant. Some even dare say that the poor are people just like you and me.

I have observed and learned. I have been appalled by the attitudes. These people have been called things like “They,” “Lazy,” “Criminals,” “The ones who will steal our wealth,” “Thieves,” “Dirty,” “Dishonest,” “Liars,” and the list goes on. I have never heard anybody refer to them as “Neighbors.”

So I was so happy when some of the leaders of the Norwegian Church suddenly  one day decided to say: Enough is enough. And they packed their sleeping bags and went to one of the public parks in Oslo to sleep outside with the beggars. They thought that when politicians decided that the poor could sleep outside in our parks, but didn’t give them any other alternatives either, then they, the followers of Jesus, would show them what they thought Jesus would have done. They were going to sleep with the down-and-out.

This grabbed the interest of the media and many others. And, of course, has been followed by discussions about whether or not it is right that Christian leaders are taking stand in an issue that is so “political.” This question has been asked not just by the secular media, but by other Christians.

I want to point my finger and say: If this is not what we as Christians should do, then what is it? If we are not going to stand up for the very most vulnerable in our society, if we are not going to speak up against unrighteousness, then who will? If Christian leaders just become paper pushers, sitting with their robes, their theology books and their policies inside climate controlled offices, then where have we gone? Then where is Jesus?

The word Compassion came into my  mind today. I looked up its definition: sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. Then I decide to look up the verses about compassion and social action in the Bible, hoping to find a couple. Instead I found so many that I decided not to quote them all here, but here  and here is a link to get you going. If there ever was a question of whether or not Christians should take active part in social action, this list ought to answer the question.

Cool-compassion

There is a lady who writes books that are good. (Not all of it is great, I daresay, but she is worth looking into.) Her name is Pema Chodron and this is something she said about compassion, in her book, The Places That Scare You:

“When we practice  generating compassion, we can expect to experience the fear of our pain. Compassion practice is daring.It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently toward what scares us.”

Could it be that people’s lack of compassion, in Norway, and elsewhere, is fear? Could it be that we try to come up with reasons for not helping the poor beggars we see on our streets because we are actually afraid of what is going to happen to US if we get involved with THEM?

The word compassion, I learned, comes from the Latin words, pati and cum which means to suffer with. So, our first response when we see suffering is to want to protect ourselves, we look for someone or something to blame. To suffer with the lowliest of the lowly, could be painful. Better look for a good reason to not get involved.

Pema Chodron continues with this passage, which I love:

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”

The priests who dared to go outside to sleep with the homeless, the poor, the beggars, the illegal immigrants had realized this: They were among equals. They are my heroes.

He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
    the Lord is gracious and compassionate.

Psalm 111:4

 

Gardening for world peace

It is springtime in Norway. Finally! On the fields all around the tractors are driving so fast across the brown dirt that I am sure the seeds understand they need to hurry up and grow. The summer is short. There is no time to waste.

Every day I notice a small change outside. Another wild flower has braved the open air, some more leaves have come out—another shade of green has been discovered. After a long winter, it is like we—the Norwegians are coming back to life. People are out walking, bicycling, gardening, and running. Some just sit on their verandas with their eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the sun. We, in Norway, rarely think the sun is too warm. And some of us even think that if we utter the words (the sun is too warm) it may cause it to disappear from the sky. (OK, not really true, but almost.)

I have been carried away with gardening too. The nice weather, the light and the birds singing all around inspired me.

My backyard was pretty much made by God (and some farmers) so I don’t need to do much there.

my backyard

But in the front of the house, the challenges abound. It has been hard, but rewarding work.

For example, I want to finish our rock fence. But without rock, no fence. So I have used our wheelbarrow to get rocks from the beach and up to our yard. And, let me tell you, rocks are heavy!

But, it is starting to look good.
my wheelbarrow

And my flowers they are happy with the sun, the water and the care they are getting.

my flowers

So although this is not a gardening blog. I wanted to share with you how much gardening reminds me of real life.

The weeds that pop up everywhere is a well-known metaphor. But an important one nevertheless. They never stop. They need to be taken out daily. Like the small weeds that threatens to take over the soil in our heart that was meant to produce fruit and flowers for God, and for the world.

The importance of good soil is another good one. Steve and I spent time planting bulbs last fall, hoping we would have tons of tulips and daffodils this spring. But, sadly, the dirt was hard and not very well suited for tulips, and therefore we got just a few small ones.

The main thing I am learning, however, is patience. Nothing grows up overnight. We have to wait. We have to be persistent. And, eventually, we will see the results.

This is for sure true in my own life, as well as in our ministry. If only I could remember that when I get impatient with the lack of results, the lack of change, the lack of flowers the day I plant the seeds.

my blomkarse

I planted these some weeks ago. They are not very pretty yet, but give it a few weeks, and they will color my world. May they remind me of the seeds I plant every day, in my life, in other people’s lives, and in my efforts to make the world a better place.

So, here I sign off, because the sun is out, and it is time for me to go and dig in the dirt.

A glimse of courage to live.

I am going to quote a new friend and staff member, R ( I cannot use his name for security reasons). He sent me this reflection this morning and it moved me.

R  is young and has just joined our staff. I am glad that he chose us, and even more glad he has chosen the people who are unloved and unwanted by so many.

web res Grass hut village

“It’s my first day here, and we wasted no time, heading straight into the camps – a very serious situation, one that I really had to see to understand – knowing little of the situation and history here, it’s a very fast and real eye opener.

baby and mother

I have never met a friendlier people—a heart warming openness to our presence. I saw a people deemed insignificant by ‘authorities’, yet significant in that I personally know that they are loved and cared for, if not by those that should – by us as a team, and most importantly, God.

web res kyauk pyu forced relocation day

There is no greater joy than seeing a smile in such darkness, giving a glimpse of the will to stand up for themselves, above a life weighed down by heavy burdens and a self-worth beaten and broken – a poor spirit so disturbingly walked over, because of an unreasonable hatred towards them – the words spoken from the people themselves that really hit my heart:  ‘we are ready to die here’.

beautiful child

It was comforting knowing that they were so open to our presence, so willing to have us, but as the storm still approaches, for me personally it comes down to faith, trust in God, and the strength of a community.”

The good news is that it seems the storm has passed, and that only minimal damage was done in the camps. The bad news is that the refugees still have to stay there, in the dirty camps without much to eat, if any.

I am glad they have people like R working on their side.

A God who obviously doesn’t care

Something provoked me today.

Actually, a lot has provoked me recently and I am not going to go into the details.

Let me start at the beginning.

There is a cyclone coming to Western Burma, right. I already shared that. So those of us who are not in the area where the cyclone is supposed to hit are sitting around biting our nails wondering how big the devastation is going to be. It’s ironic, because the devastation has already happened. There are 140,000 people in Western Burma right now who are homeless, sick and starving. My husband, Steve, and our team leader, Brad, are literally running rugged trying to be that little drop in the ocean that can mean a difference to some of the ones in need.

What got me provoked (in addition to hearing of the lack of care and response of the Burma government) was when one of our staff members asked people to pray on her Facebook page. And somebody commented: “What about sending something that actually works instead of praying to a God who obviously doesn’t care.” 

It stung all the way to where I was sitting.

This is why:

We are sending everything we have, including our husbands and wives. We are using money that people have given, every bit of it, to help where the help is needed. Yesterday, for example, we were able to feed 5000 people who had not eaten for five days. They food will only last them for some days. But at least it was food.

See this woman and her seven kids? They had not eaten for five days. So we gave them food. Not enough  of course, but we gave what we were able to. Wish that the rest of the world would do the same. If they did, people would not starve.

See this woman and her seven kids? They had not eaten for five days. So we gave them food. Not enough of course, but we gave what we were able to. Wish that the rest of the world would do the same. If they did, people would not starve.

Our team is sitting with these people in the pouring rain, assisting them, loving them, speaking on their behalf, trying to protect them, trying to comfort them, trying to give them what nobody else seems willing to give.

Who dares to say: Send something that actually works? I wanted to ask that person: What more can we send than what we are already sending? And: Why don’t you give up your comfort and wealth instead of pointing your finger to us?

And how dares anyone speak about a God who does not care? Is the suffering in the world caused by God now? Is he the reason state leaders allow innocent people to suffer? Is he the reason people in the West are more concerned with Angelina Jolie’s boobs than with the fact that thousands are facing death? Is he the reason we would rather spend more money on ourselves than on children who have nothing to eat?

I have seen a lot of suffering over the years. Much of it has brought me to tears. Much of it has left me depressed and overwhelmed. But it has not made me blame God for the suffering. Because I have seen where the suffering is coming from. It is from people. I have asked victims of violence how the suffering affects their faith, and this is what they have said: “How can we blame God for this? He is not responsible for this. Man is. If you take our faith in God away from us, then we have nothing.”

And that pretty much sums it up.

PS. By the way, feel free to give to Partners. We need your money more than ever. I know this is tacky, but it is true. You are not giving to me, but to people who don’t know what they are going to eat tomorrow. This will take you to a donation page. Good luck!

 

A cyclone in my heart

I don't know if he will be alive in a few days from now. He lived right by the ocean, in a shack made from bamboo and a plastic tarp.

I don’t know if he will be alive in a few days from now. He lived right by the ocean, in a shack made from bamboo and a plastic tarp.

I have been hearing some really bad news the last few days.

The Rohingya people that I have been writing so much about, whom I have visited on two occasions this year, and whose lives and stories have grabbed my heart are now faced with another enemy: A cyclone.

Left to themselves on the beaches of Western Burma their conditions are already horrific. I have told you, in earlier blogs, about their lack of food, their lack of shelter, their lack of medicine, their lack of security, their lack of schools for their children—their lack of hope. Before getting to this sub-human way of living, they have also endured hell on earth. Violence, torture, death are words that describe each one of their stories. Their government refuse to help them, and even refuse to grant them the right to be alive in their land. So what could be worse?

That a cyclone hits the shores of the beaches where they are living in dilapidated shelters. And this is what is about to happen in a couple of days’ time. (You can read about it here.)

My husband is there right now and he says he is overwhelmed with the needs of the almost 200,000 people all around him. He is at a loss for words when he describes the attitude of local and central governments and their unwillingness to help the refugees (IDPs) evacuate to a safer place, and much less to give them food so they don’t starve in the meantime. He is also in shock over apparent lies told by some organizations who are taking the side of the government and claiming that the needs are not as bad as they actually are.

I am at a loss too. What to do when I am sitting at home in Norway, knowing that the people I recently spoke to, ate with, listened to, played with, held, hugged, took pictures of and fell in love with are in a few days time going to face a force much bigger than they have faced before.

Please join me and pray. Please join me as I am contacting the politicians and leaders I know to tell them what is happening. Please join me as I contact journalists and ask them to write the story for the world to see and hear. Please join me as I ask myself how much I can give in the relief effort that Partners is staging, and send the money here

I am going to bed with a heavy heart.

Like an anemone in spring-time

It has overwhelmed me to see how many have read the story of Masuda, and who have contacted me about it, or written comments on Facebook, Twitter and my blog. It has made me feel like in this world there is hope. You have given me hope.

The story I shared about Masuda was the saddest story I have ever heard. I sat with her, three Muslim men and my Rohingya friend and translator, Nina (not her real name), and listened to her story. When she was done sharing, I did not know what to do or what to say. What exactly do you say to a person who has lost 29 relatives? What do you say to a person who not  lost her whole family, but who saw them get brutally murdered? What do you say to a person who has no home any more, nothing to live for, no reason to get up in the morning?

I did not have anything to say to her. I could only cry with her. I could only tell her that I can’t understand what she is going through. I could embrace her. I could look her in the eyes and tell her to not give up although it is tempting. But I will never be able to give her her family back.

It’s hard not to feel phony. One has to wonder if one’s presence is worth anything at all. But I have to believe that what we do does matter. If not, then what are we doing here?

Like a bright sun

Like a bright sun

In Norway we are now, finally, experiencing early spring. Everything is still brown, grey or black around us. The snow has melted, but it is too soon to see green grass. But in the middle of all the dead leaves and grass, some brave, small flowers have the courage to stick their heads up above the ground. Two kinds of flowers come first, the yellow Coltsfoot that we call Hestehov, and the blue Anemones that we call Blåveis. They shine like specks of color in the brown landscape.

The other day I was talking to my friend, and my neighbor. She said this: If the Blåveis had bloomed in the middle of summer, we may not even have noticed it. 

bl_veis_100408

I agreed. In the summer there are wild-flowers galore. There are so many colors that we all want to become painters to capture the beauty. There are flowers so bright, and in so many different shapes and sizes, and with the most tempting fragrances. Compared to many of those flowers, and to the plethora of colors we may not think the timid Blåveis is much to look at. But now we do. It gives us the hope that a new season is on the way. It shows us that after a long, dark and cold winter, there is a new time coming.

When she said that I thought that perhaps for Masuda I was like the Blåveis in the early spring. And I thought that you too may be that one little flower in a field of brown and dry grass to many who have lived through a long, dark and unmerciful winter.

When your only goal is to die.

Mosuda

Mosuda

I have been putting it off long enough. As I am sitting in my living room, contemplating what to make for dinner, and how to get the house clean, the media is full of stories of politicians sexually assaulting minors, of lone rangers making bombs that they intended to use for killing many, of financial crisis and of other stuff that I really wonder if many are interested in reading. But people surprise.

Nobody talks of Mosuda. Her story has not been shared world-wide. It is upsetting, but not surprising. The world wants Justin Bieber and glamour. They don’t want to hear stories of women who sob. Especially not Muslim women who sob. Especially not Muslim women who sob that belong to a despised people group.

My blog is not an arena that gets visits from thousands. But perhaps you who read the story can share it. Perhaps Mosuda’s story can challenge the world to think about different matters.

Mosuda was wealthy. Not wealthy in money, but wealthy because she was the mother of many children. She had eight daughters and sons. And she was blessed with 18 grandchildren. All of them full of life and energy. The voices of her family members could be heard all over her village. Her life was full.

On October 24, 2012 her life ended.

There had been rumors of attacks for a while. They had heard of other villages being attacked, of other Rohingyas being killed, brutally and violently. She knew that her Buddhist neighbors did not appreciate hers, or her people’s, presence. But what could they do? Could they change their skin color? Could they change the fact that they were born into a country that wanted them gone? Where were they supposed to go to? And, besides, her village was the only place she had ever called home.

Her neighbors in her village walked anxiously around, not sure what to do to protect themselves if an attack happened. Mosuda talked to her sons and daughters, and together they decided to get away while there was still time. Better to escape before it was too late.

Their village was by the water. There were many boats, and they got four middle-sized boats to take them up the river, to a safer place. One hundred of them crowded into the four boats, and at 11.00 a.m. they were off with a few of their belongings. Mosuda thought that the most important thing was that she had her whole family close to her. It would be sad to lose all their belongings in the village, but at least they had each other.

At 1.30 p.m. they spotted a boat approaching them. It was a lot bigger than their four boats. Mosuda’s heart sunk. She had a bad feeling about the people on the boat. She recognized one man on the boat. He was the owner of the biggest hotel in town, the Noble Hotel. He shouted to them to go to a village near by. “Go to the Rakhine village,” he urged them. But why would they go to a Buddhist village, when it was the Buddhists who wanted to kill them? They did not do as they were told. Instead they tried to make the boats move faster. Instead they tried to get away from the hostile people on the big boat.

But it didn’t work. 

When they did not obey the commands, the big boat rammed into Masuda’s family’s boats, causing all of them to capsize. As the people fell into the water, it was like they were considered fish to be killed. With spears and swords the Buddhist rebels started killing them one by one. To make sure nobody would get away, they called their friends over to come and help finish them off. Soon more boats arrived, all of them full of people intent on killing the desperate people who were trying to save their lives. Some of them managed to swim to shore, hoping they would be safe there. But they were not. On the shore were others waiting with swords, spears and knives. All the villagers were all hacked down.

Mosuda held on to a plastic container that had ended up in the water. It worked as a floating device. Her daughter and daughter in law held on with her. They waited for the final blow. It came. Mosuda was stabbed in her neck and in her side. Right before she passed out she saw her daughter and daughter in law getting dragged onto the enemy’s boat.

She woke up many hours later and did not know where she was. Desperately she hoped she had just had a terrible dream. But then she felt the pain, and she noticed the blood. As by a miracle she made it to shore where friendly Rohingya cared for her. But there was no joy in her survival. She soon found out that all her family members, her children, her grandchildren and her sons and daughters in law had been killed. 29 of them were gone. Of the 100 people on the boats, only three survived. She was one of them.

There was nothing else she could do. In a haze she let her neighbors from her village take care of her. They put her on a new boat. This time all the villagers, 70 boats all together, had decided to leave the village to escape attacks and more death. They went the same way Mosuda had gone the day before. As they got closer to the place of the massacre Mosuda, to her horror, saw that the bodies of the dead were still floating in the river. It was like the most terrible nightmare. Her neighbors wanted to take the corpses out of the river and give them a proper funeral. This was the least they could do for their fallen friends and neighbors. But even this was denied them. As soon as they tried to pull a body up, the navy officials told them they were not allowed to. In fact, they were told that they were not allowed to move further. They would have to stay in their boats, at the exact same spot until they got permission to leave.

So surrounded by corpses and hostile government officials they started their long wait. They were all so afraid that they could hardly contain their fear. What if they were waiting for a new massacre? The children cried. The adults tried to act brave, but it was not easy.

Some of the village leaders took up their mobile phones and called some of their Muslim friends in the capital and begged for help. “Whatever you can do to help us!”

The next day they were allowed to leave. But they heard that their Muslim friends had given a considerable bribe for their release.

When Mosuda was done telling her story she just looked blankly into the air. “I cannot sit down. I cannot do anything anymore. I cannot sleep. I just want to go to my children,” she said. “Sometimes I walk down to the river and there I hear the voices of my grandchildren calling me.” “Why did I not die with them? What is the point of me being alive any more? There is no point in my being here.”

Then she broke down and sobbed.

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