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Archive for May, 2011

Lessons learned from ducks

To take the time to learn from nature doesn't take a genius, but it takes vulnerability and a willingness to learn.

As I am writing this I am looking at the ocean. It has been a sunny afternoon and now the wind is picking up and the clouds are slowly covering the sun. Ducks are swimming, riding on the small waves, making the most of the wind. Not fighting it.

If I am going to sum up this year, as we are almost half way into it (really? Are you kidding me? Do years always pass this fast?), there is one word that sticks out like a pimple right in the middle of my face: VulNeraBility.

Since we kissed Happy New year and welcomed 2011 with lots of the neighbors’ expensive fire works, I have had to be vulnerable in almost every area of my life. I have had to ask for help in areas that I thought I could handle, I have have had to say that I am not able to do things I thought I could do, I have cried in front of people I wanted to impress, I have had to take naps!

And my blog is littered with little anecdotes about vulnerability. The reason for this is that it is what I am met with almost daily. And since my blog kind of is my own small world, then I will fill it with the stuff that fills my heart. Annoyingly, that is vulnerability. I wish it was: How I cut a whole minute off my best marathon time. I wish I could say I could even run a marathon, at any time. But, no. I am writing about sharing my weakest, most saddest, most inadequate, most ugly parts of myself with the world around me.

I am not able to be the success I wanted to be, I am not able to keep up with the speed of the world. I am not able to live without sleep in order to work, keep a clean house, cook, keep up with my kids school work, go to all their games and practices, bake cakes for the sales, stay in shape, read all the best sellers, have a nice garden and wear the designer outfits. I am barely able to keep the kitchen counter kind of clutter-free and make sure the kids have some food in their lunch boxes.

So I look at the ducks and think: There is something wise in learning to ride with the waves, not against them. That is how they conserve energy and keep it for the stuff that really matters.

And that is something I have learned in my vulnerable state: Save the energy for what really matters, and take advantage of the waves.

Annie Dillarding it while going to get groceries.

Seeing nature through a child's eyes is an exercise in Annie Dillarding

I half-read Annie Dillard’s book Pilgrim at Tinker Creek last year. I still have the book on my table and pick it up from time to time, to get inspired, to think that I wish I was as good of a writer as Annie Dillard, and to wonder if there is ever going to be anything happening in the book. The entire book is her reflections on what she sees in nature around Tinker Creek. To be totally honest (and don’t say this to the literary upper-class), it gets boring.

But still, I have to say I admire the author’s ability to observe and express what she sees in words.

I am the kind of person who will walk so fast, and often with my head in the clouds, that I won’t even notice if there was a moose hiding behind a tree in front of me. (It’s true. Once I drove past three huge moose and commented to Kristin: Look, Kristin, see the donkeys? Why am I sharing this?)

So today, when I rode my bicycle 10K to go to the grocery store, I decided to do some Annie Dillarding. It made the ride a lot more pleasurable.

  • On my ride I saw wild strawberry flowers, so close to the ground it made me think they were shy and did not want to bother anybody.
  • There were Lilies of the Valley hidden among lots of greenery. They were a stark contrast to all the green, and the delicate bells made me think of brides in their white gowns. Were there ever better-smelling flowers?
  • I saw seagulls walking on a brown field that had just been ploughed, meticulously they covered the ground with their steps, looking for worms to eat for lunch. I envied their simple life for some seconds, and then decided that was going a bit too far.
  • I smelled the fresh scent of the sea as I came down to the ocean side. The smell comes from afar and carries in it health and strength.
  • I watched the small birds fly across the sky and I tried to follow their path. I gave up quickly, and settled on enjoying their songs instead.
  • I stopped on the side of the road and picked a bag full of a bright green weed, that most consider a nuisance, but that I used in my cooking.
  • I watched farmers preparing fences for the cows who will soon dance a dance of freedom on green fields.
  • I saw mountains in the distance, snow covered and blue.
  • I saw the ocean sparkle and dance a slow waltz.

Then I came home and made dinner. But first I had to do the breakfast dishes.

When is cool cool and when is it not?

Some extremely cool teenagers.

I have teenagers. I am the mother of two teenagers. Who would have ever thought that would happen? Well, I guess it is inevitable when you become a mom. Babies eventually turn into teens.

I love my two teenagers and all the stuff they teach me. How to do my hair, what music I need to listen to, new words and how to wear my Converses. They are a lot of fun, and I am kind of glad to have kids I can talk to about politics, faith and history. So much more stimulating than talking about Big Bird and Cinderella.

One thing becomes painfully evident around teenagers though: One shall not be different. One shall not stick out in any way. One shall be cool. And the mass decides what is cool.

One day I was told that carrots in the lunch box is out. Don’t know why. It’s just out. It’s not cool.

It upsets me a little that my own kids are so keen on following the masses. Dare to be different! I challenge them. You be the trend-setters, and make the trend something positive! They mostly just roll their eyes.

I have thought some about the effort that goes into being cool and how stressful it is to be a teenager, wanting so desperately to fit in. Then I thought about how we all try so hard to be cool. It turns out that you don’t only want to fit in with the crowds when you are a teen. In your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, seventies and nineties you do as well.

Trying to fit in and to be cool becomes such a burden for us. It holds us back and keeps us from growing and feeling free. Think about it! It takes a ton more courage to dare not to be cool. I want my kids to see that, but I also want to learn that lesson well myself.

I know some people that are so nerdy they are cool. Now that takes some courage and self confidence.

So here is to: Let’s all try to be a little less cool for the rest of the week.

Something to think about at a place where many died for our freedom

Kristin and friends walking in the parade.

Today is May 17th. A big day in Norway. It’s our Constitution day, and it is celebrated from early morning to late night. It’s a day to be proud of our country.

I had the honor of giving a speech at the small community of Ekne today. In this community was an infamous concentration camp during the war, thousands were held there, many were executed. I had my speech at the monument in the forest near the camp. It is a somber feeling to stand there and try to say something that wake people’s hearts up.

This is what I shared: (Feel free to skip the first few paragraphs if you are not Norwegian. And remember, it the speech was done for the Wegians, so a bit of patriotism is OK)

This is a day when we can allow ourselves to be proud of our country more than any other day of the year. We celebrate that we are Norwegian. We celebrate that we are free. We celebrate that we are rich. We celebrate that it is spring. We celebrate that summer is almost here.

There is a lot we can celebrate. We have a lot to be proud of. There are many reasons to gather together on a day like this.

We may even allow ourselves to become national romantic. The birch tree that casts it’s green light over the black field where the farmer is ploughing and sowing. Children dressed in light clothes running down the road picking flowers for mom. The sound of seagulls, the smell of cow’s manure. It’s as if one can hear Grieg play in the background and there is a motive to paint behind every curve.

For more than 20 years I spent 17th of May in other countries. But even there the day had to be celebrated, and one will never feel more Norwegian than when in a foreign country. With my green national costume I did get some attention on the streets of Tokyo, and we did while walking in a parade during the hot season in Thailand as well. Without a hint of embarrassment I told the Japanese and the Thais that we were celebrating being Norwegian.

Celebrating May 17th in Chiang Mai, Thailand, 2002

It feels good to belong and to be proud of one’s country. It is OK to see our flag in the wind with a blue sky and a birch tree as a backdrop and say: There cannot be a more beautiful flag in the whole world.

We love Norway. We love being Norwegian. We are thankful to all who have helped build our country into what it is today.

But here we are on one of Norway’s history’s saddest places. “You cannot hear the birds sing here,” I have been told. I don’t know if this is true, but if the birds have stopped singing here in Falstadskog, then their silence is a witness to a time we cannot forget, a time of sorrow, fear, suffering, pain, despair and hatred so intense that words cannot describe it. We cannot forget, must not forget, the Falstadskog’s silent witness about man’s cruelty.

How could this happen, we wonder. How could a man and a machine like Hitler and his military machine get the power and influence they did get? Where were the ones who could have stopped him? Why did they not do anything? How could the Nazi’s ice-cold ideology get any kind of following here in Norway? We knew better. Then we give ourselves a pat on the shoulder and say: It could not happen again today.

A month ago I sat with Naw Muu Wah in a small village in Burma. She is a Karen woman who had walked for four days to meet me. On her back she had carried her youngest child, a two-year old daughter. Together with her was another woman. Nay Say Ler Wah. She had walked for five days to meet me.

The women had come to tell their stories. “Let the world know,” was their encouragement. The same kind of encouragement I had gotten many times before. Naw Muu Wah’s husband had seen the soldiers come and warned the village. But when he had hid their sewing machine and ran back to get food for the family to eat while they were running, he met the soldiers. “They shot him right there, in front of our house.”

“Do you know why they do this,” I asked. The answer was tragic and startling. “My whole life they have persecuted us. They have done a lot of evil to my family. They have killed my husband, my brother, my cousin, my brother in law and my father. I don’t know why they do this to us. We don’t know what they want from us. The Burma Army never tell us anything and never explain anything.”

“Do you know what I feel like? Like I am a bird that is not allowed to fly.”

The other woman. Naw Sey Ler Wah, had a similar story. Her husband was shot while her village fled. He was going to warn the surrounding villages, and was delayed. That became his death. “We have not eaten anything bur rice and salt for a year now,” she said. She has five children to care for. “My husband used to hunt so we would get fish and meat occasionally, but we don’t anymore.”

The stories from Burma are as tragic as the stories from WWII. The victims just as innocent.

How could it have happened, people may be asking 70 years from now. How could innocent people be killed this way and the world not do anything?

It’s easy to think about world history’s tragic stories and tell ourselves that we would have never taken part in such cruelty, such injustice, such dishonesty.  It is easy to put the blame on others for what has gone wrong. Then we can take a comfortable seat in the recliner and think that at least the world is no worse with us in it. We are innocent, we are honest, we are well off and we appreciate our privileges. We create no waves, neither good nor bad ones. Slowly, but surely we cover ourselves with a blanket of what I think is our time’s biggest dangers: Indifference.

Elie Wiesel, Nobel’s Peace Prize laureate and a Jew from Romania who spent time in Nazi concentration camps said this: I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference.

Have we come to a place in our prosperous lives that we think we deserve our peace and our freedom? That it in a way belongs to us, without any commitments? If this is our attitude, we have stepped shamefully wrong.

Our well-known poet, Arnulf Overland admonishes us in his most famous poem:

(This is not so articulate in English as in Norwegian. I don’t have the gift of poetry translation)

You cannot sleep! You cannot sleep!

You must not sit so comfortably in your home and say:

How sad, poor them.

You cannot endure well the injustice that does not affect yourself.

We are here today, in the world’s best country and we are the recipients of privileges most of the world only dream of. What do we do with what we have received? What do we do with what the ones who died in Falstadskog and other concentration camps gave their lives for? Do we take it for granted? Do we think that it is our reward and we need not share with anybody?

We have received our lives as a gift, our freedom and our riches. Of course most of us have worked honest hours to earn the money to pay for our benefits, our houses, our vacations. But so has a woman in Calcutta or a man on the streets of Romania.

This is my challenge to the people on Ekne, a community that in many ways comes across as a small paradise, with spectacular nature, a store, a school, a choir, a community where children and youth can feel safe, with organizations and activities to choose from:

Don’t grow dull and indifferent. Don’s sleep! Invite an immigrant home for dinner and hear his story. Engage and learn. Meet refugees from Burma and take them for a hike. Write to our government who so boldly has announced that the situation in Burma now is satisfactory. Get involved!

This is a day to rejoice, to dress up, to celebrate that we are Norwegian. It is a day for hotdogs, ice cream and games. It is a day for music, Norwegian flags, blisters, scabs and stained clothes. But it is also a day to remember. Remember the ones who gave us this freedom, and the ones who are still fighting for theirs.

Does God care about science books?

Even without a science book Kristin is never alone. She has a lot of soft friends helping her with her homework.

Something so cool happened this morning. Mornings are, as you know, challenging. Getting ready for work and school, fixing lunches, finding the erasers, packing the PE bag—it causes stress, even for the dog. In our house right now there are added elements of stress: The stuff is still in boxes, and we don’t always remember which boxes.

Kristin’s science book has been missing for a week and this is crisis of mega dimensions. Kristin likes her teacher so much, and she feels like a worthless human being when she forgets stuff. It causes her anxiety. Lots of it. So we have been turning boxes upside down and looked through every pile in the house looking for the missing science book. I have sent SMSes and notes to the teacher, letting her know that Kristin is not a bad person, and this is not just her fault. The teacher says she understands totally. She has moved houses too.

But still, Kristin has gone to bed in tears twice because the book is gone. It has disappeared like Atlantis, it appears. I found other things while looking for her book: My journal from 1992, Steve’s jacket, some spoons and other useful stuff. Just not the thing I was looking for.

Then, in desperation, we decided to pray. We prayed that Jesus would help us find the book.

This morning, while all of us were running around like headless chickens (except Steve; he was reading about WWII) Kristin put her lunch box in her backpack. And there. On top of all her books it was. The science book.

It was there and looked like it had always been there. No scratches on the front cover, no missing pages, no stains. It was 100% healthy.

We were speechless. How did it get there? Nobody knows. We concluded that either Jesus put it there during the night, or her teacher did at school yesterday. Kristin walked out the door with a smile on her face and said: I kind of hope it was Jesus.

I do to, but I want to rationalize. I want a logical explanation. I also think of something Naomi said: (Always listen when Naomi says something. She usually see things the way they really are) So are you suggesting that Jesus cares more about giving Kristin her book back than for example helping us sell our house (we need to sell our old house really, really badly, and we have been praying we will)?

It’s a good question, and I don’t know the answer. I don’t understand how prayer works. It seems sporadic and random. Why are some prayers answered and others not? Do you know?

Where do you put your used gum?

I remember something funny from when I was little. My grandma had an old kitchen table that was covered with a floral plastic table cloth. It was held in place with thumbtacks. But the table wasn’t the main attraction. It was what was hidden under the table. Because under the table were all the pieces of gum my aunts had chewed on over the years. If you just put your fingers under the table you could feel all those bumps. I never looked at them, just felt them. And I knew, as a five-year-old that I was included in a great secret. You see, my grandfather was a most strict man. Most things in life that could be enjoyable was considered a sin by him. Chewing gum most certainly was. So the aunts had to hurry up and hide the gum as soon as he entered the kitchen. And what better place than to stick it under the table?

My grandfather is dead now, and I don’t know if he ever found out about the gum. Probably not.

See, I am even scared of such a small horse. It moves, that's why.

The other day I went for a walk with my friend. I had decided I wanted to share with her some difficulties I have that I had not wanted people to know about. For too long I have been sticking all my weaknesses under the table like my aunts did. I don’t want anybody to know anything about me that is not great. So I stick them under there, making sure that all you see is the floral print on the table cloth.

As I shared I was amazed at how freeing it was to just let go and to be open and honest. Trying to hide behind a perfect facade is so much harder. And not only that, but as I shared, I was surprised to hear that I was not alone. So many of my issues were the same ones as my friend was going through.

I am finding that being imperfect is a great state to be. Wouldn’t you hate the stress of always being perfect?

So, I am not a perfect blogger. By any means. I keep waiting for all these big companies to contact me asking if they can please put an ad on my site, and for all the publishing companies to ask if they can publish my stuff. Hasn’t happened yet.

But guess what, that is not why I blog. I blog because it is fun. And I think I have something worthwhile to say—sometimes.

Guess what else! We still have no internet. I have to travel around like an internet refugee trying to steal a few bytes here and there.

So I am going back to my internetless, trashcanless, but not hopeless house now, and think about something worthwhile to write about next time.

And up there, like a dot, you got me, shaking in my knees and wanting to get down. But I made it, ungracefully.

Here is the quote for the day: To live a creative life we must lose our fear of being wrong.

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