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Archive for January, 2012

Picking Flowers on Dusty Roads

The other day a journalist wrote about me that I had “been pregnant with this book for a couple of years.” I thought it was a good way to describe the birth of my book. Finally, after all this time, my book is born and you are all invited to have a look at it. And not only that, you are invited to read it, and tell others about it and tell me about what you have learned from it.

You can buy it here and here

Tonight we had a small party in honor of my book launch. People called me author and talked about my author dress that I was wearing and wanted me to sign their copy of the book. They clapped and took photos. They shook my hand and said congratulation. It all felt like they were talking to and about another person. Author? Yeah, right. You don’t become an author before you write books. And then I realized: I have written a book.

You can look at these photos. And you can read an excerpt from the introduction here.

Major Lah Muu died fighting for freedom for his people, the Karen of Burma.  His wife is a widow.  When I first met her she lived in the only teak house in Mae Saliit Khee village on the Thai-Burma border. I remember looking at her face and wondering if I had ever seen a more beautiful woman before. She was not young, nor did she look like a photo model from a fashion magazine. She had a serene beauty, like I could have imagined belonging to an Asian Mother Earth.

She was the first Karen person I ever met, her house was the first Karen house I ever entered, and her costumes were the first Karen costumes I ever admired. They were colorful like the lotus flowers around her pond. It looked like she had been created to wear those costumes. She would walk around her property doing her daily chores with a straight back, head lifted high, and steps so soft that the grass hardly bent under her.

All the Karen people of Burma wear colorful and ornate costumes like those of Major Lah Muu’s widow. Each village and area has different colored shirts and patterns. They all look beautiful to me. For years I have been spending time with the Karen and almost without exception I receive a hand-woven bag or shirt as a parting gift when I leave them. I don’t know how many shoulder bags I have. The incredible thing about this is that not one looks the same. They are all unique.

When I first got to know Major Lah Muu’s widow, the Karen and their costumes, I noticed strings hanging from different places on their garments. To me they looked like somebody had been in a hurry and hadn’t taken the time to fasten the threads when the piece was ready. They were annoyingly messy. Then they told me the meaning of those threads, and I learned to love them.

They would hold the threads in their hands and say, “Try pulling one of them apart!” I did, and it was easy. Then they asked me to take a whole bundle of the threads and try pulling them apart. It was impossible.

“This is a symbol of our people,” they explained. “If we stand alone, it’s easy to break us, but together we make one strong bunch.”

Since then I have never been annoyed with the threads that get tangled with each other after a little bit of use. I just say, “It’s the Karen people learning to get along so they cannot be broken.”

This book is a bit like the threads on the Karen costumes. 


Here I am talking about my pregnancy with the book. I did not use those exact words though although I now think I should have.

My good friend, Egil, introduced the evening and said nice things about me. Way too nice actually.

I think I look a bit too intense here, but I am trying to explain to people why writing an international book in Norwegian would not work and that is why I chose English. Chinese would have cramped my style.


What is luxury anyhow?

Luxury

Once I was watching Steve as he took a half-a-liter vanilla yogurt container and poured most of it into his cereal. “What are you doing?” I half shouted in despair and shock. “You cannot use all that yogurt and you cannot pour it out of the container like that.” Steve looked pretty surprised at my violent reaction. He had no idea he had done anything wrong.

Yogurt is not particularly expensive in Norway, not compared to other groceries at least. But to me, yogurt is a luxury that one should eat sparingly and with much gratefulness. One should not take yogurt for granted.

When I grew up they did not sell the yogurt in big containers, just small ones that was enough for a nice little snack. In my family with four kids and one income, yogurt was a luxury we only got some times. And when we did, it was very special. We would never open the fridge and just pull out and eat a container of yogurt. Never. At least we would have to ask first, and that was after behaving well for a while.

So even now, a hundred years later, I have the feeling that yogurt is always sparse and we need to treat it with respect and modesty. To not do so violates my yogurt values.

I feel the same way with OJ. It is cheaper to buy than milk, and I can probably have it in my fridge for the rest of my life. But still, I always feel like to fill a whole glass with OJ is a luxury I don’t deserve. I always just fill it half way up. Twice. I honestly don’t think there was OJ in our fridge more than a handful of times when I grew up. The few times we tasted it, I felt like I had tasted Paradise.

Russian Caviar? Luxury? Well, I guess in most people’s eyes it is because it is so darn expensive. But for me, that is less luxurious than OJ and Vanilla yogurt. I am not even sure if I would have eaten the Russian caviar had I had it in my fridge. It does not go well with musli or with homemade bread.

A free light show on the sky

Last night at 11 PM I sat with Steve at our balcony, all bundled up in warm clothes. The temperature was minus 10 and on the sky the northern lights were dancing salsa. It was a show more spectacular than one you could watch in Vegas. And it cost us nothing (except from lack of sleep). Luxury? Oh, yes.

What else do I think is luxurious?

Avocados. I will never take an avocado for granted. It is luxury in pale green.

Walking my dog on a dirt road with the mountain and and the forest on one side, and the ocean on the other. After living in a big city for 20 years, that is luxury.

Sleeping past 6 AM. That is decadence actually. 16 years as a mom has taught me to value my sleep.

A good cup of cafe latte. And by that I mean a good cup. And it can’t be in a paper cup, and it can’t be drunk in the car or while walking. What is the pleasure and the luxurious feeling of rushing through a cup of coffee like that. No, my friend, sit down, listen to jazz, watch something pretty or read something stimulating, savor the coffee with a piece of good chocolate. Get in touch with the inner you.

A good marriage. How many can honestly say their spouse is their best friend after 21 years? To have a person to share one’s joys, fears, frustrations, thoughts or laughs with is worth more than the jackpot.

Time alone. Baby, that is my biggest treat to myself. Time spent alone when I can do absolutely what I want to do. Is there a better gift? What can be more luxurious than reading a whole chapter of your book without getting interrupted?

Pine nuts. They are more scarce than yogurt and taste so good when I on a rare occasion splurge and buy them.

Time and ability to exercise. I have lived through times in my life when I had to move as little as possible. That was enough for me to realize what an incredible luxury it is to have a body I can move.

And the list goes on. What is luxury for you? Not a new diamond, I hope.

What is your favorite word?

A journalist recently did a long interview with me. I hope it will not make me look too bad…

After hours of talking, she also had a few very basic questions, that are standard questions for the type of article she would be writing, like what is your birthdate and your current title and where do you live.

There were some fun questions as well:

They are not cute. They are scary.

Do you have any phobias?

I did not need to think long about that one. I am scared to death by rats and mice. Cockroaches are gross, but I can handle them. Snakes too. And spiders. Mice and rats however make me lose my breath. Those beady eyes, the nose that moves all the time, the long tail, the stiff fur. I get the creeps.

Then they asked what did I want to become when I was a child.

I remember wanting to become a nurse because I liked their uniforms—starched hats and white dresses. In the early seventies when I was a small sprout in the farmlands of Norway, a nurse’s uniform was a dream outfit. I also wanted to become the prime minister, but that was later.

What am I good at, they asked.

I thought about what I am good at and felt like while I can do a lot, I am not super good at much. Like, I can go for a run, but not win a race. I can read books, but never get the best score in class. I think that I am a pretty good mother. I help my kids with homework and I feed them well. But I did not want to write that in case it sounded cheesy. So I said that I am good at making good food. Because this is really true. I make delicious food. Better than most.

Cooking is my secret weapon

What is your favorite word they also wanted to know.

I thought that was a hard question. I thought of it for a long time. I thought I probably should have said Love, Forgiveness, Generosity, Integrity or something big like that. But I thought about what word makes me happy without fail, what word that makes me excited to be alive and ready to take on anything. It’s not beer (although I thought about saying that that was my best word too). It is the Norwegian word for going for a walk, going for a hike, going skiing, trekking: TUR. That is my favorite word. TUR.

TUR

If I had been the newspaper I would have added a few more questions: What is your favorite possession? (Maybe they thought that was too materialistic.)

I have a lot of favorite possessions and I guess it depends on the situation. I love my slippers and they are the first thing I look for when I come home. I can’t walk in the house without my slippers. But something else I love is my computer. It is sad to say so, but so much of my life depends on my computer. I think I love it and hate it. It used to be my iPod. I could not run without it. But now I am bored of my music and too busy too find new so I don’t use it much. I love my desk. It is my own messy world.  My desk and my slippers. Boy, do I ever sound boring.

I think I would have asked what five items would I have brought to a desolate island too.

Let’s see: My journal, a pen, a blanket, a lighter and a knife. Or: My journal, a pen, a knife, a pot and a lighter. Or: A devotional like My utmost for his highest with blank pages in the back to journal, a pen, a knife, a lighter, a pot. Should I prioritize the journal? Such a hard choice.

I can go on and on. What would I bring if my house was on fire? Easy: All our photos. What’s the most useless item in my house? A potato washing glove.

How about you? What is your favorite word, your phobias, your childhood dreams and favorite possession? Who is the person you would like to have lunch with right now (except your spouse or mother)? I think…not Johnny Depp. I would feel too awkward. Perhaps Meryl Streep. I think we would have a lot to talk about. And of course: Aung San Suu Kyi. But she is so busy right now, running for an election and all.

In any case. I hate rats and I can cook great enchiladas, I like my slippers and to go for walks in all kinds of weather. I want to have Meryl Streep over for lunch, and I don’t want to become a nurse any more. My little exercise made me look quite eccentric. Sorry about that. I am a lot more exciting than you think. I hope.

Tur

Unethical shoes on sale and love your neighbor.

Yesterday Naomi had something that resembled a bad conscience. She had spent her allowance on yet another pair of shoes. She is a shoeaholic. The only one who may love shoes more than her is Imelda Marcos. (She was the wife of the dictator Marcos in the Philippines, and owned 3000 pairs of shoes. I do not compare her to my daughter lightly, and the only thing they may have in common is their love for shoes.)

Naomi was early concerned about what was right and what was wrong. It was wrong that some people had no parents, no toys and no real home.

“I bought them at H&M,”she said, “because they were so cheap. I feel kind of bad though because I had  decided not to shop anything from them (H&M) because they are unethical. (She did not use the word unethical, actually, I think she said bad. Same thing. She has recently learned about how they use child labor, underpaid labor and how their workers pass out because working conditions in their third world factories are horrendous.) But what can I do when they are so cheap? And everything is unethical (or bad). Even amazon.com is bad, so what am I supposed to do?” (Yeah, amazon.com too. They treat their workers badly, avoid paying taxes, run small and big business out of business, write their own reviews. Who can you trust when you cannot even trust that good, old amazon.com is making the world a better place?)

I think she wanted me to say: “Buy more shoes, dear.”

Naomi and her family at Christmas, all with nice shoes. I like Kristin's the most. Knitted shoes...Locally made. Fair trade. Great grandma charged nothing.

It’s not easy to be good.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t have the answers for my daughters, or for the world. I probably would have bought a cheap pair of shoes too. It is easy to be idealistic until there is a sale. I bought a cucumber from Spain today although I could have bought a locally grown one. But I was in a hurry and then I don’t want to think about where the cucumbers come from. I just want the green thing and get on with life.

Is love the answer? Maybe. None of us can do everything right, buy everything right, give everything right, say everything right. Not me anyhow. But I can pray and strive to show more love. If I start the day by committing to love a little more, it may go in the right direction. Then my life will not be filled with dos and don’ts, but of: How can I show love.

It was recently Martin Luther King Jr. day and, man, was he a wise man. One of the many quotes by him I read that day was this one:

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.

I am not sure what this quote has to do with buying cheap shoes. Maybe you do. But I like the quote and I am proud of Naomi. At least she is thinking about ethics. That is more than I can say about most people who are older than 14.

Words cannot express all

We are healthy because we eat a lot of vegetables

This is Rev. John Maw (Not his real name). He is 78. His wife is Pah Luu (Not her real name). She is 72.  They live in an abandoned cement building together with a few hundred others who recently fled their villages.

“We did not want to leave our village,” Rev. John says. “We love our home in the mountains and we have lived in the same village since 1965.”

“But we didn’t have a choice. We had to leave when the army started attacking us and using chemical weapons. It is not good for children and pregnant women when there are chemical weapons in the area. We are very sad that we had to leave our village.”

Rev. John has lived a long, eventful and sad life. He shares:

“From 1958 and many years I was a missionary. I was a missionary to Nagaland in India. After that we moved to our village that we just left. We had nine children together. Four of them died and we have five left now. This is what happened to my children:

In 1964 we had to flee from the army. We fled into the jungle without any food. My daughter died there because she had nothing to eat and she died from malnutrition.

In 1978 another one of my daughters got killed when a bomb exploded next to her.

I lost two of my sons too. Both of them were forced to porter for the Burma Army and they got sick and weak from the hard work and lack of food and rest. They had to porter so many times that they got sick and died. One died in 1977 and the other one died later.

I remember fleeing into the jungle many times. When we flee we have nothing to eat. I remember eating grass sometimes. It was the only thing we could find.”

Rev John and his wife Pah Luu are both sitting on the elevated board in the room they have been given. The room that is going to serve as their home now. They remind me of eagles that I have sometimes seen in cages in zoos. They are prisoners. They want to fly, but their wings have been chopped.

Entering into another kind of life. A life in captivity.

“You look so strong and healthy,” I comment. “We are,” they reply. “The reason we are healthy is that we eat mostly vegetables and very little meat, and we live on the mountain where we get fresh air all the time.”  I feel a sadness coming over me as I wonder if they will ever be able to return to their village and if the village is even there any more.

“I cannot express in words how I feel about our government,” sighs Rev. John. “They say they are our government, but they do such horrible things to their people. We suffer because of them. They oppress anybody that does not agree with them. The government we have now may have changed their uniforms, but they have not changed anything on the inside.”

As we walk out from the dimly lit room and into the darkness of the night I can’t shake my feeling of sadness. They are 78 and 72 years old. What kind of government makes old people run away from the homes they have lived in for more than 45 years, forcing them into an abandoned building that has more in common with a prison than a home. What government drops bombs on their own people, killing some, injuring others, and scaring the rest? It is the same government the world is getting ready to do business with, invest in, and commend for it’s good behavior. The world should visit Rev John in his dark and oppressive room.

Following a slick smile or a clean conscience?

A young mom and an infant in a refugee camp in Kachin State. Unless somebody like me cares an awful lot...

I think I am reading too much news. I am getting too obsessed with politics, and especially with politicians. I have been watching the men (and woman) trying to get themselves nominated for an election in the US and I think I may be watching a very-well rehearsed drama, where the one with the biggest smile and the fattest wallet will win. I am reading about the changes in Burma, and can’t make myself trust that the politicians in power have the interest of the people in mind. I am reading about the Arab spring turning into another killing field, and of revenge and hatred and all things bad.

I see my own country’s politicians choose power and wealth before justice and right actions. I see myself wanting my own little corner of the world all to myself, and I am not so sure I will be willing to share if there is a need.

I found a quote among all my hidden treasures. It challenged me like only Dr. Seuss can do: “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

The ball is in my court then. It needs to start right here with me, with you, with all of us. Are we going to give our votes to the ones with the biggest smiles and the slickest speeches? Are we going to give our money to the ones with the cheapest goods, even if it is cheap because somebody had to give their lives for it? Are we going to smile and shake hands with powerful men and women whom we know have lives on their conscience and pretend like everything is just so oh, la-la-la.

Unless somebody like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.


Many years in a box

Few things are more exciting than opening The Box and seeing what is inside.

We have some traditions in our family. One is to make something nice for breakfast on Sunday mornings. Another is to clean the house on Saturdays. My kids much prefer the Sunday tradition. One of my favorite traditions though is the New Year’s box. That one is special.

Many years ago we decorated a shoe box with glitter and glue and all things tacky. In it we put a stack of note paper. On New Year’s Eve we sat down and wrote things we were thankful for. The girls were small then and they could barely write. They wrote things like: I love my mummy, and I am thankful for my bed.

Reading the cards from years long ago. "What was life like back then in 2005?"

The notes were put in the Box. Next year we wrote new notes and put in the Box. We all wrote a little more than the previous year since our writing skills had improved. We started writing about the lows and the highs of the year that just passed, and hopes for the new one. We read our notes for each other and put them in the box. Then we took out the notes from the last year and read them for each other too. We laughed and cried.

Now we have notes for about seven years in the Box. We opened it on January 1 and read the notes from so many years ago. We laughed and cried. Then we wrote about the things we loved and hated about 2011. We wrote about our hopes and aspirations for 2012.

Reflecting on a year that is gone, planning for the year to come, and being thankful for what has been given to us, like our sisters.

I wrote that I want to learn to dance. And that I was very happy when I went for all my hikes in 2011. I wrote a lot of other things too.

Steve wrote about finishing his house, Elise about Obama, Naomi wrote about wanting handwriting as nice as Elise’s and Kristin wants Naomi to shut her mouth when she eats. (Which, BTW, Naomi does. But not in Kristin’s eyes.)

Today the new year is eight days old. I have stuck to some of my resolutions. For example, the laundry room is still clean, I have exercised every day and I have hardly lost my temper at all. But I have fallen short on prayer and devotional times, and, sadly, I am too fond of chocolate to give it up.

A journalist friend I like and respect a  lot recently wrote in her paper that she always makes nice resolutions that she looks forward to accomplishing. I thought that was so appealing, and a sure way to not get discouraged by the fact that your resolutions rarely become anything but a failed goal.

So in addition to trying to be nice, I think that I am going to make an effort to: Sleep more, read more fiction, say no more often, find more new music, get a manicure and watch more TV in 2012.

It’s a Happy New Year still.

Why so afraid of Jesus?

Some people in Norway are named Jesus, I read in the paper today. They are all immigrants from different parts of the world. I would feel really funny being called Jesus myself. Like I thought I was somebody.

But that people are named Jesus doesn’t concern me as much as the fear of Jesus in this country. I am serious. People are afraid of Jesus. And the fear is not only a Norwegian fear. It seems to be spreading.

Why can’t we talk about him in public? Why can’t the children know why we celebrate Christmas? Why do we have to call the season a holiday only, or, like many do in Norway, a winter fest? Why are so many people offended when his name is brought up in any public setting, but it is, for example, totally OK to speak about Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King Jr. I recently was made aware that even the national calendar association is not putting the explanation of Christian holidays on the calendars anymore. Instead there will be such things as: “The witches come out of hiding,” on Christmas day, and: “The bears wake up,” on Easter Day. Why are people so afraid to mention Jesus?

It can’t be because they don’t believe he lived. Everybody knows he did.

Is it because of what he said? I think that must be it. He talked about loving your enemies. He talked about sharing with the poor. He talked about loving the children, about caring for widows, about forgiveness. He talked about being a servant of all and about respecting one another. He talked about loving your neighbor as yourself and about doing to others what you would want them to do for you.

I think that must be why we are not allowed to talk about him. That kind of talk is OFFENSIVE! Why should our children be forced to hear about a man who said and did such insulting things?

He didn’t just talk. He DID too.  He gave status to women. He healed the sick. He showed mercy. He fed the hungry. He touched the lepers. He hang out with the losers. He lived simply. He didn’t own a mansion.

Who would want their kids to follow an example like THAT? I mean, let them follow Justin Beaver, or was it Bieber, or Miley Cyrus instead. They are so innocent in all their wealth and plastic smiles.

Then he (Jesus) got killed in the most brutal way because he said he loved us. He loved people so much he was willing to die for them.

I have to admit that THAT is a bit hard to relate to. Who does that? But even though we don’t understand everything he said and everything he did, do we need to pretend like he didn’t and that he doesn’t exist? Why is it wrong for us to bring up the name of a man who willingly gave his life for others? Is it because we afraid he will require something from us and we are too comfortable to give anything up? Is that it?

Then he said he was the son of God, and that he would live forever. And that he could forgive sins. OK, those are all hard things to understand. Even for me. But again, just because we don’t understand something, do we need to shut up about it? Seriously? Do you understand nuclear reactors? But we can still talk about them, and we can still believe in them.

If people are so sure that Jesus is a hoax, then why so afraid to mention his name? Why so afraid that people have to hear about him?  I have no problem with my kids reading fairytales. I know they are fairytales and so do my kids. So why are the doubters not letting their kids even be exposed to the name of Jesus. Who are they afraid of?

Why are people so afraid of Jesus? Why can we go on and on about Michael Jackson, who quite frankly was rather odd, but we are not allowed to speak about the most amazing human being who ever lived?

The world is weird. And why is it that we put up with it?

I think I am going to make 2012 my Yes to Jesus year.

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