Skip to content

Posts tagged ‘Happiness’

Jun 4

1 Comment

How to get happiness

Happiness? Happiness.

Happiness? Happiness.

Surely, you have, like me, thought about how nice t would be to win the lottery. How about hitting jackpot and getting a few millions to spend. Just one million would actually be good enough for me. How many of us haven’t fantasized of what we could do with the money? Our eyes glaze over as we think out loud: Pay off the mortgage on the house. Or even getting a new house. At least a house extension. Get a cabin in the mountain, or how about a beach house in Spain? Get a new car, perhaps two. Go on an exclusive holiday somewhere exotic. Renew the whole wardrobe for the whole family. Put money in the kids’ education fund. And, just to be fair, and to appear like justice counts: Give a lump sum to charity.

With a few millions in my bank account my life’s worries would be over. I could lay back on my newly landscaped terrace and love life.

My daughter, who is 17, spoke words of wisdom the other day. We were driving home and she was in a contemplative mood. She has more money to spend than she has ever had now. She is working shifts at the local pizza baker. She has money to buy clothes and make up. And that is mostly what 17-year olds need. And of course, some lattes with friends.

I feel sad, she said. And I wondered why. I feel sad, because I don’t feel the same joy when I get stuff as I used to. I just have started taking things for granted. I used to be so excited when I got gifts, and so thankful for anything new. Now I just look at it and think: yeah, nice. And then I feel no joy. With 17-year old wisdom she said: I can now, with confidence, say that money doesn’t buy happiness. 

Oh, how I wish the rest of the world would see what she has already seen. Oh, how I wish that I could see it sometimes as I look at the outfits I want, but can’t afford, as I hear about vacations so dreamy and expensive and know that they are too far off for me. How I wish that I would be better at looking at life through my daughter’s eyes and ask myself: Am I sure that those things actually will make me happy? Perhaps for a moment they will, but will the joy last?

I am reading a book right now that I think will be very interesting. (It already is, at page three). It is called Flow and is written by a man whose name is so hard that I am sure he is the only one who can spell it right: Mihaly Csikszentmhalyi.

In the introduction he says: Happiness is not something that happens. It is not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but rather on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person.

Happiness defined by one of my daughters some years ago.

Happiness defined by one of my daughters some years ago.

In a few more words, he said what Elise, my daughter also said. Money, stuff, or good fortune is not what make us happy. Happiness is something we make ourselves, independent of our circumstances.

Worth thinking about today. Isn’t it?

Oct 1

What makes people happy?

Happiness can be doing things for others like Kristin, her friend, Leah and her cousins, Mathea, Ester and Gunhild did. They sold flowers for the children of Burma and it made them very happy.

The other day I watched a program on TV where a family who had won a huge many- million-dollar lottery three times. The odds of that happening are so small that it is actually impossible. But it did happen to them and they got their millions from filling in a piece of paper. 

I thought about what I would have done with all that money. No worries for the rest of my life, I mused. And a new car at last. 

But yesterday as I was out walking in the forest with the trees dressed in their finest orange and reds, with the sun playing on my back, with wild berries still waiting for me to pick them, with birds singing in the background, with my dog playing by my side, I thought: Isn’t this greater happiness than a few millions in my bank account? 

Of course the answer is yes. 

So I thought some more about what happiness is. I thought about some of all the people I know, and asked myself who the happiest people I know are. As I thought about these people, I quickly concluded that it is not the wealthiest ones who were the happiest. Although some wealthy people I know are very happy. But I don’t think their happiness comes from their money, but from something else. 

Today I read an interesting article that kind of answered my questions. Just like I thought.

1. It seems like happy people say Yes more often than others. They are always doing new and interesting things. And because they have an attitude of yes-ness, they end up in a lot more interesting situations than others, not so happy people. 

Note to self: Say Yes more. Even if it looks scary.

2. Happy people laugh and joke more. They don’t take themselves so seriously. They are easily mused.

Note to self: Laugh at myself when I forget my dance steps and keep watching Modern Family.

3. Happy people say thank you often. They have a sense of gratitude and focus on what they have rather than what they don’t.

Note to self: Say thank you more often for things that I often take for granted. Don’t worry so much about the cool coat I wish I had, but on the one I actually own.

4. Happy people are good listeners. They don’t rush off to give judgement and help, and often don’t tell their friends they know exactly how they feel. 

Note to self: Listen better and more.

5. Happy people speak well of others. They constantly say nice things about their friends and colleagues behind their backs. They want their friends and colleagues to be a part of their lives, and include them with their friends and families.

Note to self: Being nice feels better than being nasty.

6. Happy people believe in something and let go of control. They don’t all believe in God, but they believe in something greater than themselves.

Note to self: Keep my faith in God. 

7. Happy people accept their imperfections, forgive and move on. They know that perfection is not the goal although they are constantly working on something. They are willing to see other peoples’ imperfections, forget and forgive too.

Note to self: It is OK that I am not perfect and never will be. Love me.  Be myself.

8. Happy people are of service to others and have positive expectations. True happiness comes from making others happy. 

Note to self: Do onto others as I would have them do to me.

9. Happy people are detached from the approval of others. They follow their own hearts without worrying too much about what others think about them. They recognize they can’t please everybody.

Note to self: I can’t please everybody, so just do my best.

10. Happy people focus on health, exercise and work-life balance. Most happy people eat healthy, and exercise and meditate/pray daily. 

Note to self: Go for a run after this, skip ice-cream, and get up earlier for a prayer time.

Happiness is being grateful for life.

 

I don’t think this is a perfect recipe for happiness, but it explains a lot. It sure challenges me to focus on different things than trying to get rich and getting a perfect body with boobs and a butt that turn heads. 

 

 

 

May 10

2 Comments

How do you rate your happiness?

Happiness in a refugee camp in Kachin State, Burma. Photo by Leah.

Some weeks ago, while I was in Rangoon, Burma, I had dinner with two people from Kachin State. While feasting on yummy Kachin food, the lady, Grace, talked about her dreams and fears for the future. 

She has grown up in one of the world’s poorest, and most oppressed nations. She is from an ethnic minority that has been discriminated greatly. Now we were talking about the changes coming to the nation and how that will affect the normal people on the grass roots. 

Grace was worried about the greed she saw—in her own people, and in the thousands who are waiting to start investing in the international community.

“You know, I am not so sure that we want to increase our Gross National Product (GNP),” she said. “Are we so sure we will be happier if we are richer?” 

She continued: “I would like it like it is in Bhutan. They don’t have GNP there. They have GNH? Do you know what that stands for? Gross National Happiness.” (I have no idea if this is true or not. I have not bothered to check because I like the idea so much that I will be disappointed if it is not true.)

“And isn’t it so much better to measure people’s happiness instead of how much money they have? Wealth is not always what makes people happy.”

Said she. Who has been poor her whole life, and who now was looking at the prospect of more wealth. She had understood something very valuable. I hope her country listens to her. And that the rest of the world will too.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 441 other followers