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Posts tagged ‘relationships’

Jun 4

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How to get happiness

Happiness? Happiness.

Happiness? Happiness.

Surely, you have, like me, thought about how nice t would be to win the lottery. How about hitting jackpot and getting a few millions to spend. Just one million would actually be good enough for me. How many of us haven’t fantasized of what we could do with the money? Our eyes glaze over as we think out loud: Pay off the mortgage on the house. Or even getting a new house. At least a house extension. Get a cabin in the mountain, or how about a beach house in Spain? Get a new car, perhaps two. Go on an exclusive holiday somewhere exotic. Renew the whole wardrobe for the whole family. Put money in the kids’ education fund. And, just to be fair, and to appear like justice counts: Give a lump sum to charity.

With a few millions in my bank account my life’s worries would be over. I could lay back on my newly landscaped terrace and love life.

My daughter, who is 17, spoke words of wisdom the other day. We were driving home and she was in a contemplative mood. She has more money to spend than she has ever had now. She is working shifts at the local pizza baker. She has money to buy clothes and make up. And that is mostly what 17-year olds need. And of course, some lattes with friends.

I feel sad, she said. And I wondered why. I feel sad, because I don’t feel the same joy when I get stuff as I used to. I just have started taking things for granted. I used to be so excited when I got gifts, and so thankful for anything new. Now I just look at it and think: yeah, nice. And then I feel no joy. With 17-year old wisdom she said: I can now, with confidence, say that money doesn’t buy happiness. 

Oh, how I wish the rest of the world would see what she has already seen. Oh, how I wish that I could see it sometimes as I look at the outfits I want, but can’t afford, as I hear about vacations so dreamy and expensive and know that they are too far off for me. How I wish that I would be better at looking at life through my daughter’s eyes and ask myself: Am I sure that those things actually will make me happy? Perhaps for a moment they will, but will the joy last?

I am reading a book right now that I think will be very interesting. (It already is, at page three). It is called Flow and is written by a man whose name is so hard that I am sure he is the only one who can spell it right: Mihaly Csikszentmhalyi.

In the introduction he says: Happiness is not something that happens. It is not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but rather on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person.

Happiness defined by one of my daughters some years ago.

Happiness defined by one of my daughters some years ago.

In a few more words, he said what Elise, my daughter also said. Money, stuff, or good fortune is not what make us happy. Happiness is something we make ourselves, independent of our circumstances.

Worth thinking about today. Isn’t it?

May 23

Gardening for world peace

It is springtime in Norway. Finally! On the fields all around the tractors are driving so fast across the brown dirt that I am sure the seeds understand they need to hurry up and grow. The summer is short. There is no time to waste.

Every day I notice a small change outside. Another wild flower has braved the open air, some more leaves have come out—another shade of green has been discovered. After a long winter, it is like we—the Norwegians are coming back to life. People are out walking, bicycling, gardening, and running. Some just sit on their verandas with their eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the sun. We, in Norway, rarely think the sun is too warm. And some of us even think that if we utter the words (the sun is too warm) it may cause it to disappear from the sky. (OK, not really true, but almost.)

I have been carried away with gardening too. The nice weather, the light and the birds singing all around inspired me.

My backyard was pretty much made by God (and some farmers) so I don’t need to do much there.

my backyard

But in the front of the house, the challenges abound. It has been hard, but rewarding work.

For example, I want to finish our rock fence. But without rock, no fence. So I have used our wheelbarrow to get rocks from the beach and up to our yard. And, let me tell you, rocks are heavy!

But, it is starting to look good.
my wheelbarrow

And my flowers they are happy with the sun, the water and the care they are getting.

my flowers

So although this is not a gardening blog. I wanted to share with you how much gardening reminds me of real life.

The weeds that pop up everywhere is a well-known metaphor. But an important one nevertheless. They never stop. They need to be taken out daily. Like the small weeds that threatens to take over the soil in our heart that was meant to produce fruit and flowers for God, and for the world.

The importance of good soil is another good one. Steve and I spent time planting bulbs last fall, hoping we would have tons of tulips and daffodils this spring. But, sadly, the dirt was hard and not very well suited for tulips, and therefore we got just a few small ones.

The main thing I am learning, however, is patience. Nothing grows up overnight. We have to wait. We have to be persistent. And, eventually, we will see the results.

This is for sure true in my own life, as well as in our ministry. If only I could remember that when I get impatient with the lack of results, the lack of change, the lack of flowers the day I plant the seeds.

my blomkarse

I planted these some weeks ago. They are not very pretty yet, but give it a few weeks, and they will color my world. May they remind me of the seeds I plant every day, in my life, in other people’s lives, and in my efforts to make the world a better place.

So, here I sign off, because the sun is out, and it is time for me to go and dig in the dirt.

Apr 16

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Treating my soul like fabric with lycra

It is 10.40 pm and the house is quiet. Some days I cherish silence more than other days. Today is one of those days. You know the feeling of being on the go since 6 am, and this is the first time since you woke up that you sit down long enough to actually hear your thoughts? Today is one of those days.

Steve said today, on Skype, that I need to find time to nourish my soul. He is away, and we have not seen each other for a while. I shared the long list of things I had to do with him, and he said: “Find time for your soul or you will crack in half.” And I said that if I should find time for my soul too, then I would have to skip sleep, because there is no extra time in my day. None. And, I need my sleep.

Among many other things I did today, I went shopping for jeans with my NomNom (that is what I call my middle daughter). As she put the jeans in the bag, the sales lady said: “And remember to not use fabric softener with this one when you wash it.” I felt like crying. “Lady,” I thought, “do you understand anything about my life? Do you honestly think that I am going to sort my laundry and take out jeans that have lycra in them and wash them separately? I don’t even have time to wash my children’s socks. If the laundry get done, it is a good day. To think that I will have time to sort out the clothes that do better without fabric softeners is the most unrealistic thinking I have heard today.”

Suggesting that I find time in the day to nourish my soul felt a little like being told to find a way to wash some clothes without fabric softeners. I am not a super human.

But, as I am sitting here in my quiet house, I realize that my soul is not like jeans with lycra in them. My soul has other qualities. One of them is resilience.

There may not have been that 25 minute chunk of time to read something reflective, and spiritual today. There was no time to meditate on God’s word in a quiet place. But here is where I see that my soul got its vitamins and its strength today:

With my 11-year old daughter on my lap, getting hugged before the school bus came and took her away.

In the car laughing together with NomNom as she shared the most outrageous stories I have ever heard.

At a coffee shop, sipping fresh lattes and sharing a piece of carrot cake with my beautiful daughter.

On a bridge, laughing hysterically as we were trying to take a photo of ourselves.

Oddny and Naomi

Walking on the street, in a hurry, but still feeling the warm spring wind in our hair.

Driving, rushing at times, while watching the beauty of mountains and the ocean from the window.

Getting a warm welcome from the most loving dog God ever created.

Having a crockpot cook a delicious dinner while I was gone.

Sharing a meal with my kids who are pretty groovy after all, and my stepmom who is the coolest stepmom in the world.

Seeing that the dishes got done and I did not need to raise my voice.

A bottle of Australian Shiraz.

This and more have nurtured my soul today as I have been rushing about. In my head there is one compartment that focuses on the things I did not get done today. And another compartment that remembers all the beauty I experienced today. As I finish the day, I think that I want to dwell on the place that focuses on the beauty.

Mar 8

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Happy Woman’s Day

birdToday is the international women’s day. A big day for some, but for most of the world’s women, it is just a day like all others.

I have been preparing my speech for tonight. I am looking forward to meeting so many strong and engaging women. I will post the whole speech here later, but for now, I just thought I would post a small paragraph of what I want to talk about:

I want to jump out of this nest. I want to learn to fly. Perhaps I will fall and hit my head. Perhaps people will look at me and think I am weird. Perhaps I will never again be able to return to this nest. But how will I learn to fly if I never jump?

 

Feb 26

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Refreshin’ in London

coffeecupAn empty coffee cup in a full coffee shop. Sunday morning in London, and Steve and I are trying to live the urban life. We have squeezed into the coffee shop where all the Londoners are having their breakfast, sheltered from the cold and humid day outside. I find it fascinating that we can all be sitting here, almost shoulder to shoulder, in a small room, drinking our coffee and minding our own business while we know nothing about each other. What would happen if we got locked in here for a few days and we had to start talking to each other? What would we find out about one another?

The barista has already gotten Steve’s attention. He is enthusiastic about his task, and makes his coffee with the same vigor the matador uses to manipulate the bull in the bullfight. Elegantly and with a hint of masculine power he knocks the coffee filter on to a steel bowl, making a noise that penetrates the constant buzz of conversation in the room—boom, boom, boom, boom.  The long table in the middle reminds me of Medieval times—a long table filled with people talking and laughing. Only difference is that the beer has been exchanged with cappuccinos and lattes. The attires worn are following the 21st century trends, not the 12th.

It is easy to block the real world out of my life, and only focus on small issues that my head is capable of, like: Should I get another cup of coffee.

Steve & Odd

Here we are trying to be urban in the cold London winter.

Soon I will be back in my home, with my kids, my dog, the dust bunnies in the corners, the empty pantry and the missing school books. Soon I will be back to my inbox, my unfinished work and a messy desk. I am looking forward to it. Going back to what the people I know and who know me, going back to a place that is safe, although it is messy. Going back to a job that gives purpose and meaning.

They sure have many good beer in London. I did not need any Fish & Chips.

They sure have many good beers in London. I did not need any Fish & Chips.

A weekend away is a fun distraction. We watched a great show, and enjoyed several of the local pubs. We got to ride on the London buses, and had great talks with our good friends and soon-to-be colleagues, Matt and Amy Smith.

Many hours of talks about how to change the world through relief, development and advocacy. What else would the world need?

Many hours of talks about how to change the world through relief, development and advocacy. What else would the world need?

We got to admire Matt's new iPhone, a true wonder.

We got to admire Matt’s new iPhone, a true wonder.

I am going back to my home in the country, without the once-every-90-seconds public transport, without the coffee shops on every corner, or the sidewalks with people, used gum, pigeon poop and cigarette butts. It will be a little sad, but mostly good.

Nov 16

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Sharing five loaves of bread with 100,000.

You know the story of the boy who gave five loaves of bread and two fish to Jesus, right? 5000 people were hungry and needed food. Five loaves of bread and two fish were all they had. And, in the end, it was enough.

These days I have been feeling a lot like we are that little boy. We have so little to feed 100,000 people who are on the run in Arakan state. But what we have, we give.

Do you want to give after reading this? I hope you do. This is where you do your giving.

Rather than using my own words, I will share some of the images and thoughts we have gotten from our staff over the past days:

Day 1

Meanwhile a stone’s throw away there are thousands of others with nothing. The reasons are complicated. One pocket of 2,500 arrived by 14 boats and have been forced to fend for themselves. We were told that the government wants them to return to their villages and refuses to help them in any way. It’s hard to think of them returning to villages since their villages have been burned to
the ground. Others told of how they’re forced to sleep on the ground out in the open.
These people also have been given no food. The nearby villagers have shared their own rice but the rations have been sparse and sporadic.

Another ‘surprise’ is that there is no indication of other help. The more we saw, the more overwhelming it became. People are in horrible conditions (we visited hundreds seeking shelter in a cow shed) with little or no assistance. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but yet another one was the obvious friendliness of everyone we met. They have every right to be bitter but every single person was friendly and approachable. These are beautiful people.

Day 2

Since we arrived we have spent most of our time along one road leading out of town. It’s along this road that the app. 100,000 displaced Rohingya are taking refuge. Along with those already living along the road in a few small villages, the population has swelled to around 120,000. In this area we have seen one doctor and heard of two others. These three are trying to run a small clinic and also a mobile clinic traveling to the surrounding camps and villages. We have been told that many of the sick cannot be seen and are left to suffer without care or medicine.

Day 3

Today we visited the largest of the IDP camps. In it are more than 12,000 people. In this camp 4,623 are receiving rations from WFP. They receive 9 cups of rice for 5 days. The remaining 7,541 people are not receiving any help. They asked for 20 bags of rice and so we gladly made that available. We talked with them about their situation and they asked if we could provide seeds and fertilizer. The people in this camp are farmers and have plenty of land. With seeds they can begin to provide for themselves. We spent the rest of the day finding seeds and fertilizer and will deliver it tomorrow. Soon these people will be growing corn and watermelons. They are looking for sustainable
solutions and we are able to help.

Day 4


Today we went by boat to Sin Da Maw Island. More than 2,000 Rohingya from KyaukPhyu have fled to this island to seek safety. On the island is a village of more than 4,000 people and now the poor fishermen are struggling to provide for their new neighbors. We took with us 180 tarps to provide shelter for the families who are still sleeping out in the open. They had asked for blankets too and so we were able to go prepared with 200 blankets. It’s a humbling experience to hand over
blankets to young mothers with small children. The people shared fresh coconut juice with us and we said good-bye to head for yet more displaced pockets of people.

Day 5

I am continually amazed with the graciousness of those we meet. Today we talked with the leader of the displaced people in Sin Da Maw. After asking him how many tarps were needed there was much discussion among the crowd pressing in on us. After a fair bit of discussion he informed us that they only needed 100 of the 180 we had brought. He asked us to take the rest to others in need. The crowd could have easily asked for all of our tarps as they already knew how many we had, but they decided exactly how many they needed and asked us to take the rest to others. This has been a common response each day. To me, it would make sense for those in need to think only of themselves,
but our experience is that they think of their neighbors. It is bewildering to be welcomed warmly by people who have suffered so much. These are not the people I expected.
We’re not the only ones who care. We are able to help only because of people around the world donating funds to make it possible. We need additional help to stay here and continue this response.

Day 6

‘The task is so much bigger than we can handle. We are overwhelmed with the needs. In the camp we are in now they say there are 11,000 people, but I think there are more. There are tents as far as we can see. We really don’t know what to do. The situation is not sustainable. The fact is: THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO SURVIVE IF NOTHING CHANGES.’

Oct 1

What makes people happy?

Happiness can be doing things for others like Kristin, her friend, Leah and her cousins, Mathea, Ester and Gunhild did. They sold flowers for the children of Burma and it made them very happy.

The other day I watched a program on TV where a family who had won a huge many- million-dollar lottery three times. The odds of that happening are so small that it is actually impossible. But it did happen to them and they got their millions from filling in a piece of paper. 

I thought about what I would have done with all that money. No worries for the rest of my life, I mused. And a new car at last. 

But yesterday as I was out walking in the forest with the trees dressed in their finest orange and reds, with the sun playing on my back, with wild berries still waiting for me to pick them, with birds singing in the background, with my dog playing by my side, I thought: Isn’t this greater happiness than a few millions in my bank account? 

Of course the answer is yes. 

So I thought some more about what happiness is. I thought about some of all the people I know, and asked myself who the happiest people I know are. As I thought about these people, I quickly concluded that it is not the wealthiest ones who were the happiest. Although some wealthy people I know are very happy. But I don’t think their happiness comes from their money, but from something else. 

Today I read an interesting article that kind of answered my questions. Just like I thought.

1. It seems like happy people say Yes more often than others. They are always doing new and interesting things. And because they have an attitude of yes-ness, they end up in a lot more interesting situations than others, not so happy people. 

Note to self: Say Yes more. Even if it looks scary.

2. Happy people laugh and joke more. They don’t take themselves so seriously. They are easily mused.

Note to self: Laugh at myself when I forget my dance steps and keep watching Modern Family.

3. Happy people say thank you often. They have a sense of gratitude and focus on what they have rather than what they don’t.

Note to self: Say thank you more often for things that I often take for granted. Don’t worry so much about the cool coat I wish I had, but on the one I actually own.

4. Happy people are good listeners. They don’t rush off to give judgement and help, and often don’t tell their friends they know exactly how they feel. 

Note to self: Listen better and more.

5. Happy people speak well of others. They constantly say nice things about their friends and colleagues behind their backs. They want their friends and colleagues to be a part of their lives, and include them with their friends and families.

Note to self: Being nice feels better than being nasty.

6. Happy people believe in something and let go of control. They don’t all believe in God, but they believe in something greater than themselves.

Note to self: Keep my faith in God. 

7. Happy people accept their imperfections, forgive and move on. They know that perfection is not the goal although they are constantly working on something. They are willing to see other peoples’ imperfections, forget and forgive too.

Note to self: It is OK that I am not perfect and never will be. Love me.  Be myself.

8. Happy people are of service to others and have positive expectations. True happiness comes from making others happy. 

Note to self: Do onto others as I would have them do to me.

9. Happy people are detached from the approval of others. They follow their own hearts without worrying too much about what others think about them. They recognize they can’t please everybody.

Note to self: I can’t please everybody, so just do my best.

10. Happy people focus on health, exercise and work-life balance. Most happy people eat healthy, and exercise and meditate/pray daily. 

Note to self: Go for a run after this, skip ice-cream, and get up earlier for a prayer time.

Happiness is being grateful for life.

 

I don’t think this is a perfect recipe for happiness, but it explains a lot. It sure challenges me to focus on different things than trying to get rich and getting a perfect body with boobs and a butt that turn heads. 

 

 

 

Jun 26

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Showing love with a paint brush

Some days ago a friend came by and asked if we are home Monday. ‘We are,’ said Steve. ‘I will come and help you paint your house then,’ said our friend. ‘And I will bring a lift so we can get all the high places too. I will be there are ten and work with you all day.’

And so he did. At ten o’clock he was at our house, and he painted all day. All I gave him was a small lunch and some coffee. 

Some days I get so bummed about all the selfishness I see around the world, I get so upset by all the egoistic jerks. I think that people only think of themselves and not of anybody else. I think the world is going to end up as one huge selfishness-planet. 

But then a guy comes over who could have spent his day off doing stuff for himself. And instead he spends it helping somebody who is taking way too much time painting their house and who actually could need some help. What a blessing it is to have friends. What a blessing it is to know people who are so much less selfish than I am. What a blessing that there are people like our friend in the world.

Our house is looking really nice now.

 

May 14

On ordaining men and drawing circles

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I while ago some of the men at our office got an email from me with a link that had an article about why men should not be ordained. It was absolutely hilarious and I felt so great popping this little thought-provoker into their mail boxes. After all the years of discrimination. Not from these men—who happen to be my good friends, but from the establishment. (Here you can feel free to decide for yourself what you consider the establishment to be. I know what it is for me. And I won’t go into detail.)

The article said great things like: The pastoral duty of the man may distract him from the responsibilities of being a parent, some men are handsome and this will distract women worshippers, the man’s place is in the army and such.

Then we got on to discussing other themes, such as the value of all kinds of human beings, whether they are muslims, gays, Republicans, vegetarians or anything else.

I think it is sad how Christians have gained the reputation of being the ones who are unaccepting and judgmental, when it is so far from what we should actually communicate. Love, forgiveness and acceptance should be our trademark. Not condemnation.

So Rob, our good friend, ended the conversation with these great words of wisdom:

“He drew a circle that shut me out-
Heretic , rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle and took him In !”

Markham

I reflect often on how we miss the message of Jesus and are so busy deciding ‘in’ and ‘out’ we fail to recognise not only movement towards but what a great joy ‘acceptance’ actually brings. 

Thanks Rob, for setting such a good example for us. For me.

 

Apr 23

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Falling upward

Walking into the unknown

Steve is always reading all these heavy, intellectual and very deep books. I wish I did too, but my excuse is that while he does his reading, I take care of his kids…And then, one of the added benefits of having a reading husband, is that he tells me about the books he has read and then I don’t have to read it myself. There is a book, however, that he has told me he really wants me to read. I say: “I am still ploughing through Anna Karennina and then there are my big academic books that I am doing for the classes I am taking. When am I going to read this thing?” He has no answer to this, but keeps bringing up how great it will be for me to read.

So the other day, on the airplane to the north of Norway I picked it up and started reading. Already in the introduction I found reasons to underline. Yes, I thought, it will be good for me to read this.

The book is called Falling Upward, and is written by Richard Rohr. 

This is a quote I read and liked: The familiar and habitual are so falsely reassuring, and most of us make our homes there permanently. The new is always by definition unfamiliar and untested, so God, life, destiny, suffering have to give us a push—usually a big one—or we will not go.

Tell me about it! 

 

 

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